This post is inspired by a love story. My friend Whitney is 35+ weeks pregnant and getting to that “I’m ready to have this baby already” stage. Her thoughful husband didn’t get her flowers or chocolates, but something much more romantic, in my opinion. Click here to read the whole story.

The moral of the story is, of course, to be creative in helping your pregnant wife/girlfriend/sister/co-worker. Here are some other practical ideas for helping out a mom-to-be who’s in the final weeks of her pregnancy:

1. Bring over a meal, even if it’s just takeout from her favorite restaurant. It will allow her to relax at the end of the day (unless she isn’t the cook in the family anyway, then keep reading! ).

2.  If she has older kids, offer to take care of them for awhile. Don’t just make an vague offer- give her a list of several days or evenings that you’re free.

3. Offer to paint the nursery, so she’s not inhaling icky paint fumes. Better yet, use a VOC-free paint - better for everyone involved!

4. Offer to put together baby gear or furniture - not so easy when your belly is huge and your ankles swell when you stand up too long!

5. Hire a maid service for a one-time house cleaning, or help out yourself if she’ll allow you. Again, the more time she can be off her feet, the better!

6. Ask her how she’s feeling, and let her vent if she wants. Don’t offer solutions unless she asks for them.

7. Talk to her about non-baby/pregnancy/mom things - she might want a break from it all.

8. If she’s overdue, do NOT say things like “you’re still at work?!” or “you haven’t had that thing yet?”! It’s already on her mind, and everyone else is saying this- avoid the temptation!!

9. Take her out for a pedicure, or offer to paint her toenails for her. She may not be able to see her toes well, but it’s nice to have them look good and she definitely can’t do it herself anymore.

10. Tell her she looks great!

What was the nicest thing someone did for you when you were pregnant?

Photo Courtesy:

Ed Yourdon

For claiming to be not into fashion, I’m on kind of a roll lately…inspired again by Jae at How Not to Dress Like a Mom. Actually it’s her guest-writer Jenna doing the inspiring this week. Pregnant with her second child, Jenna is writing about finding cute maternity clothes on a budget. Specifically, she’s focusing on pieces that help you get through the earlier months in your regular wardrobe. Look for more Maternity Monday posts in the coming weeks, and here are some old ones for now.

A few direct sources for maternity clothing:

Fertile Mind offers unique pieces such as the 6-way maternity dress and the BellyBelt (shown on the right)

Due Maternity has really cute tops for fall and good layering pieces too. Get a couple of great sweaters, and maybe you can avoid buying a maternity coat, with the extra warmth the baby provides.

Kiki’s Fashions Maternity has very affordable maternity clothing. There are especially good bargains on warm-weather pieces, great if you’re in an all-year-summer climate. Please do not buy the shirt on the left, especially if you’re going to a picnic, as I fear you may be mistaken for a tablecloth.

Finally, don’t forget the pieces that you wear every day, whether you’re dressing up or going casual- Amon Maternity specializes in underwear that supports your pregnant belly.

P.S. These are just products that appeal to me; I’m not receiving any benefits from the companies above.

Note: For the purposes of this post, I’m defining a natural childbirth as one without the use of pain medications for labor and delivery. I’m not trying to deny the “naturalness” of ANY birth experience and would be the first to say that all instances of a child entering the earth constitute an amazing miracle.

Likewise, I recognize that the term “decision” implies that a mother, doctor, or anyone else has complete control over the birthing process which is also not true. I know many people who wanted and prepared for a drug- and intervention-free birth only to have medical issues take that choice out of their hands.

Having said all of that, I would like to introduce you to Sarah. She is the new mother of a beautiful baby girl, delivered in a natural childbirth, and is sharing her story with us:

1. When did you make the decision to try for natural childbirth, and what were the main factors in your decision? 
Actually it all started with a ginormous poop. Yes, gross but true. It was early on in my pregnancy and I decided right then and there that if a poop could hurt that bad, there was no way I could handle pushing a baby out! I was having an epidural!!

I related this story to my BFF Aleatha the next day, had a big belly laugh and thought I was done with my birth planning. Aleatha’s first baby was born three years ago (pitocin, back labor and no drugs!) and she was preggers with her second, due two weeks after me. She is a huge advocate for natural birth and I’d always thought she was a little loony because of it. She really wanted to have a home birth which made me move her over to the “alotta loony” category! I kept trying to convince her that it was unsafe and scary and “what if something happened?!?!?”.

In trying to find ways to scare her away from home birth, I found out it was actually not as unsafe or as scary as I thought. I also learned that many times the use of an epidural will actually give you a bigger chance for a cesarean! I found a lot of interesting info in books, online and, after I hired her, from my doula.

The more I researched and talked about different birth choices, the more I felt proud of my body. But every time I went to the doctor, I felt like a patient with something wrong with me instead of a mother doing the most natural thing in the world, cooking a cutie! I learned (something I guess I should have already known?) that my body is strong and my mind is even stronger. This knowledge made me a big fan of my body- not the jello-y part but the part that can make a baby and push out a baby (and feed a baby without even thinking about it, which I just did!). As a result of all of this, I switched to a midwife at 34 weeks and decided to have a water birth. 

2. What resources did you use in helping you make this decision (medical professionals, online research, books, friends, etc.)?
DOULA! DOULA! DOULA! and FRIENDS! FRIENDS! FRIENDS!

My doula, and I’m assuming ALL doulas, are amazing resources and coaches. The beauty of finding a doula is there are all kinds of women who provide the service. Whatever your beliefs or personal style, there is a doula that will be your perfect fit. My doula met with me 2 times before the delivery and again a week after delivery. She was there throughout my entire delivery and an hour afterwards to help with breastfeeding. She was also available to call or e-mail anytime I needed. Sometimes I would leave the doctor’s or midwife’s office with more questions than before. I would call my doula on my drive home and chat with her about my appointment and get some answers and meaning behind what they had said.  She kept me grounded in the knowledge that women have been giving birth for centuries and I just needed to trust my body to do what it was created to do.

Friends are amazing founts of experience. I have the honor of being one of the last of my friends to have a baby. They all started procreating about five years ago and man, do they have some stories! I listened to all of them and asked myself if I wanted that to be my story. If not, what would I do differently? If so, why and how could I make that happen? Even if they didn’t know it, my friends were helping me create my birth plan.

3. Did you do anything to prepare for a natural childbirth?
Talking with my doula helped me work through what I wanted and prepare myself for what was going to happen. She had tons of information on labor positions, stages of labor and what to expect, pain medication alternatives (TENS unit, water, etc…). Her website is DawnTheDoula.com. I also talked a lot with my BFF as we were in the same boat as far as MAJOR hormones, fears, anticipation, and all-around impatience to get those babies out! 

4. Who was supporting you during the actual birthing process?
My husband and my doula. My husband is wonderful, but definitely not a man of many words, or often any words for that matter. About an hour after Lily was born, he looked at me and said “Thank God for Dawn – we could not have done that without her.”

5. What parts of the natural birth process were as you expected they’d be?
I expected that labor would hurt and it did.

6. What parts were NOT as you expected?
That I could go backwards 1 centimeter after 3 hours of labor and then progress 5 centimeters in 40 minutes. I didn’t get a water birth but I did get a water labor (the 40 minutes above!). I went too fast to get into the birthing tub so I pushed her out regular style, in a bed. Next time I will have NO EXPECTATIONS!

7. Were others supportive or discouraging of your choice to avoid pain medications?
The ones that do the whole natural childbirth thing were supportive and the ones who don’t thought I was crazy.

8. Is there anything else you’d like to share with someone considering natural childbirth?
Do a ton of research and figure out what is the best thing for you ~ labor is your experience. Create your birth story the way you want it to be.  Don’t be pressured by others. Listen to advice and wisdom from others but weigh it against your beliefs and desires. But above all else, no matter how your baby comes out you still get a baby!!!

Thank you, Sarah! If you’re considering natural childbirth, here are some good resources from BabyCenter, Birthing Naturally, Have a Natural Childbirth and Giving Birth Naturally. If you’re interested in finding a doula, visit DONA International.

Did you have a natural childbirth? Please share your story in the comments section!

Are you hosting a couples baby shower? I’ve never been to one, but if done right, it would be a fun way to include both parents in the preparations for baby’s arrival. Rather than just adding men to what is typically an event for ladies, though, take some extra consideration in your planning. 

Not to be stereotypical, but the cucumber sandwiches and mini quiches might not be so welcome with a co-ed crowd. Go for something a little more substantial (translation: meat!).

Likewise, I know at least my husband would groan and roll his eyes at the average baby shower game. You could either skip the games altogether, or check out these sites for ideas that might go over a little better with the guys:

My favorite at Creative Baby Shower Ideas is the Stroller Obstacle Course. How fun would that be?!

On a Yelp message board, I saw this fun idea from Kristin C: It’s a variation on the newlywed game, where the husband and wife have to guess each others answers to questions about their child. For instance, how many diaper changes will the baby need in a day? When is our child first allowed to date?

And no shower would be complete without an adorable invitation to draw in the guests. As with all of our products, you can customize the colors, font and text. Tip: mention all the MEAT you’re having at the shower. There’s also a folded-card version of this design and you can view all of the shower invitations online.

Have you already hosted or attended a couples baby shower? What worked? What didn’t?

This entry in the Pregnancy Decisions series is an interview with Michele, who I connected with on TwitterMoms. She’s the mother of twin boys, and also works full-time as an accountant. For any of you who are deciding whether to return to work after your baby is born, her story will be helpful.

1. What issues did you consider in deciding whether to return to work? 
Finances, my college investment (emotional, time, money, etc.), my sanity. My mom stayed at home and when I was getting ready to go back to work she gave me the greatest gift a mom could give…. She told me she sometimes regretted her decision to stay home and that she had a great job (before kids), and her kids grew up and moved on and she felt like she didn’t have anything of her own. She told me she thought I was making the right decision by going back to work. That was when I realized that whatever decision you make, to stay home or to go to work we all make sacrifices and the grass isn’t always greener. Do I sometimes regret going back to work, yes. But I also know that there was a good chance I would have had some regret if I had made the decision to stay home as well.
 
2. Did you make your decision before or after your child’s birth?
Before.
 
3. How long was your maternity leave, and was that set by you or by your employer?
12 weeks, yes it was set by my employer.
 
4. When did you make childcare arrangements, and what were your main considerations in choosing a provider?
I started calling around when I was pregnant, then happened to notice how much my mother made when she handed me her pay stub to write something down on. I told her I could pay her what I would pay daycare and it would be almost what she was making, if she wanted to babysit for me. After careful thought on both our parts (we didn’t want it to affect our relationship negatively if we didn’t agree on things), we decided to give it a try. It worked out wonderfully for both of us.
 
5. What have been the positive aspects of this decision for your family?
I have my work and family balance. My kids have a great bond with their grandmother. Also, my husband was laid off this year and since I have been promoted while working outside the home, our family hasn’t suffered any financial hardship due to his lay-off.
 
6. What are the challenges for a parent working outside of the home?
Trying to stay focused on work while wondering what your child is doing at home. Trying to keep up with the demands of both being a mom and an employee. Sometimes everything just doesn’t get done and it just has to wait until the next day.
 
7. What advice do you have for parents who have returned to work after the birth of a child?
Build a great support system, either family or daycare or community. Build a partnership with your spouse so he can step in at anytime with childcare or household responsibilities. Also, let go of the guilt as much as you can since guilt adds no value to your job as a mom or as an employee. If momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy. So stay positive and be happy with the decisions you make; your kids will pick up on this.  

8. How old are your children now?
Twin boys, age 5. They started kindergarten today and are happy, independent, loving, and well-behaved. I could not be happier with the decisions I’ve made and the boys are thriving.

Thank you so much, Michele! You’ve given us some great insight on returning to work after having children.

You may also want to consult The Working Woman’s Pregnancy Guide by Dr. Marjorie Greenfield. I haven’t read the book, but Dr. Greenfield was a guest on this very informative Pregtastic podcast about working during your pregnancy and returning to work post-baby.

If you went back to work outside of the home after your child’s birth, please share what you’ve learned. Any tips to smooth the path for new moms would be much appreciated!

In the last Pregnancy Decisions post, we heard about Allison’s decision to stay at home full-time with her daughter. Today, we’ll hear from Lisa, another former MagnetStreet co-worker. While she is also a full-time SAHM, her choice was made after her son’s birth and after she had returned to work.

1. What issues did you consider in deciding whether to return to work?
One of the biggest issues for me was childcare. It is hard to think of someone else taking care of your child when you are working. Plus the cost of childcare can sometimes outweigh the paycheck. 
 
2. Did you make your decision before or after your child’s birth?
I was originally going to go back to work on a part time level. My mom and sister were going to be my sole childcare providers at little to no cost. After returning to work for a few days, I realized that this was not the best scenario for me or my family.
 
3. Could anything work-related have changed your decision? (higher salary, flexible hours/days, at-work childcare facilities, etc.)
I think that the hardest part for me was the inflexibility of the work hours. I had no window for error in arriving or leaving work, and this left the decision very easy – my family comes first. I think that flexibility or at-work childcare facility would have changed my mind slightly but, all in all, I am VERY happy with my decision to stay at home.

4. Were others supportive of your decision?
My family, friends and co-workers were very understanding in my decision.

5. What have been the positive aspects of this decision for your family?
I love being at home and sharing in all the memories with my son and now with a new one on the way, I can’t imagine being at work, even part-time. It has allowed me to be involved in what is happening in his life and allowed me the freedom to give him the best of me.
 
6. What are the challenges for a parent at home with children full-time?
Obviously, the biggest challenge was finances. With two full time salaries, is it very easy to manage but cutting down to one salary was a bit of a leap for us. I think what most women don’t realize is that is can be done, but it takes sacrifice. So maybe you don’t have an amazing cable TV plan, or cable at all. Maybe you start to cut coupons, or maybe shop at a thrift store but the sacrifices that you make will be so minimized by the joy you receive.

7. What advice do you have for parents who have decided to stay at home full-time after the birth of a child?
If staying home is the decision that you want to make, don’t care what anyone else says or thinks. Also, don’t let finances be the determining factor. Remember to get creative- don’t be afraid of garage sales or thrift stores. Try to see how little you can spend at the grocery and still make good meals. Downsize if necessary to a smaller house or mortgage, buy a cheaper car…whatever sacrifice you make will be worth it!

Thank you, Lisa! Are there any others out there who had a change of mind after their child’s birth? Either deciding to stay at home or the other way around, deciding to go back to work after all? I’d love to hear about your choice, in the comment section.

The topic of returning to work is really a series within a series, because there are so many angles to it. The first is whether you’ll stay at home full-time or go back to work. If you are going back to work, will it be full- or part-time, and the timing of your return is an issue to consider as well. And for a lot of people, what seemed like the right decision before and during pregancy ends up not working once the baby has actually arrived.

I’ve found some great outside resources for these decisions, that may be helpful to you. One is a post by Laurie at Expecting Words, in which she lays out important considerations: money, identity, sharing responsibilities and career flexibility. Stay tuned for more links as this series continues.

Now, I’m happy to introduce Allison, one of my former co-workers at MagnetStreet. She made the decision to stay at home full-time with her daughter, born in July 2007.

1. What issues did you consider in deciding whether to return to work?
Mainly finances, I knew I would be a stay-at-home-mom if I had a child, so we just had to get our finances in order to make it work.

2. Did you make your decision before or after your child’s birth?
The choice was made before even considering getting pregnant. It is something that I feel strongly about for myself, and I didn’t want to enter into pregnancy without having the plans in place to stay at home.

3. Could anything work-related have changed your decision? (higher salary, flexible hours/days, at-work childcare facilities, etc.)
Not really at this time. Eventually I would like to become a birth doula when I feel that I could leave my family for long stretches of time.

4. Were others supportive of your decision? 
All family and friends were supportive. I would say a lot of co-workers were surprised, but still supportive. There were a few women having babies around the same time that seemed a little sad that I was able to stay home and they weren’t.

5. What have been the positive aspects of this decision for your family?
For the three of us, it just works best. I love being a constant for my daughter every day.

6. What are the challenges for a parent at home with children full-time?
The initial adjustment is so hard, for all first-time moms… every single moment of my life was different. The days can be long and boring and challenging (now that I have a two year old… ahhhhhh), and there are no sick days or vacation days.

7. What advice do you have for parents who have decided to stay at home full-time after the birth of a child?
If you hate it some days, you are normal and that doesn’t make you a bad mom. Have other people to talk to, people you can be completely honest with… Remember that the days are long, but the years do fly by.

Thanks for sharing your story, Allison! I’d love to hear from other stay-at-home moms in the comments section – answer any of the questions above, or share your own thoughts.

Midway through my pregnancy, I went journal shopping. I was considering colors and textures when it occured to me that 9 months (or about 5 at that point) worth of my thoughts would not fill an entire blank book!

Then I realized that this book could be used as a place to record my baby’s milestones and the cute things he or she would someday say. Not knowing if the baby would be a boy or a girl, and not really wanting something babyish in style, I finally chose a simple black Moleskine book. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but there are (of course!) specific pregnancy journals out there. Expecting You, The Belly Book (my friend Dawn had this one; I love the space for a photo each week), Getting to Know You, Butterflies & Hiccups and My Pregnancy Journal are some of the options I found. Each one has a specific approach, so the online reviews are helpful. 

My first journaling challenge was deciding how to address my entries. My frame of mind was writing letters to my unborn child, so my first instinct was to say “Dear Baby”. Then I realized that by the time the pages would be read, he or she would no longer be a baby. I finally settled on “Dear Beloved” and now of course I use “Dear Tate”.

Another mental hurdle was references to family members. Our parents were suddenly the grandparents, siblings were aunts and uncles. Strangest of all was referring to my husband as Dad.

I ended up journaling about once a month, recapping the events in our life, what we’d learned at doctor visits, name ideas, etc. Looking back, I wish I had written a little more frequently. And specifically, I wish I had captured more of my emotions and thoughts. Whereas I usually took quite some time with each entry, I think a brief sentence or two every few days would have encouraged more “here’s where I’m at today”-type records.

At Chasing Cheerios, Melissa suggests filling a Journal Jar with slips of paper that prompt you to write on a certain topic. What a fun motivation that would be! Did you keep a pregnancy journal? Please share any hints you have!

Welcome to this edition of Pregnancy Decisions. As always, I’m Kara, your host. Today we’re joined by Lindsay, mother of 2 beautiful children. Both were born via cesarean section (c-section); the second one was scheduled ahead of time.

1. What were the main factors in your decision to have a scheduled c-section?
I had a c-section because the baby was measuring so big. I had trouble delivering my first baby who was 9 lbs. 12 oz., and the second was on track to be at least as big. My doctor recommended it because a planned surgery is better than an emergency one.

2. How was your planned c-section different from your first c-section?
Jackie (my firstborn) was an emergency c-section, because we couldn’t progress. I think “emergency” is the term used for any unscheduled surgery. It was quick, but since we weren’t having health risks they didn’t run. To me it seemed a little slow, since I was in pain!

The two were completely different. With Jackie, I was in labor for 20 hours! I hadn’t gotten good sleep because we came in at 1am and I could only doze with the epidural. I pushed for 3 hours before we decided that a c-section was the way to go. I was exhausted when we finally got to the surgical room. With Kurt, my second, we had to be at the hospital at 6 am, so I planned for a full night’s sleep. I could get up almost like normal. I was rested and completely alert. The nurses actually said I was just too happy to be having a baby! We got  the surgeon we wanted and since I’d already had one c-section, I wasn’t as scared either.

Afterwards, healing was different too. With Jackie, I had both the pain of labor and the pain of a c-section. I was also pretty tired due to staying up all night and I couldn’t catch up on my sleep. (Imagine that!) With Kurt, it was easier to recover with half the injuries, and I knew what I was getting into.

3. What were the positive aspects of a planned c-section?
Scheduled! You know exactly when your baby will be born. No surprises. I was able to plan for my parents to take care of Jackie while I had Kurt. It was easy to plan at work and at home. Laundry, cleaning, everything was caught up. With Jackie, who was a week late, the house was in disarray because I was too tired to keep it perfectly clean every day.

4. What were the negative aspects of a planned c-section?
I felt a little guilty about taking Kurt out before he was ready. It’s the womb – there can’t be a more comfortable space anywhere! The night before, I was worried about his health a little bit – what if he wasn’t “fully baked”? If he had any health issues I would feel very guilty. Picking his birthday was a little weird too, especially since its kinda like any other appointment, you get what the nurse gives you!

5. Were others supportive or discouraging of your choice to have an elective c-section?
My husband was a little worried; at first he wanted me to try to have Kurt naturally. He’s a nurse in the surgical itensive care unit, so he knows the risks with surgery better than I do. Eventually he came around, especially as I got bigger & bigger!

6. What advice would you give to someone considering a scheduled c-section?
Make sure it’s approved by your doctor. I wouldn’t recommend it if the doctor is against it. Pick your surgeon carefully! I had an inside-scoop because my husband worked at that hospital, so I was lucky.

7. Is there anything else you’d like to share about your birth experiences?
It is ONE DAY. I don’t care how bad it is; it is still only ONE DAY. Days are forgotten very quickly, especially half-drugged days. Can you remember yesterday? How about “yesterday” a year ago? I didn’t think so. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change anything because I got to take my beautiful babies home safe and sound.

Another piece of advice is to have visitors over to the hospital!!!! As much as possible! We had visitors the first evening we came home with Jackie. It was exhausting to host right after I had a baby. If people want to see you the first week, they get the 2-3 days in the hospital- that’s it! Oh, and have flowers sent to the house, not the hospital room (or send gifts home with dad!). It gets to be a lot by the last day.

Thanks so much for sharing your stories, Lindsay! If you’re considering a c-section for your child’s birth, bring a list of questions to your next doctor’s appointment. You can also find some good general information on c-sections in this article from BabyCenter.

Have you had a cesarean section? Was it emergency or elective? We’d love to hear your story- tell us about your decision in the comments section.

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The next issue I’ll be covering in the Pregnancy Decisions series is birth choices. First up is giving birth at home, rather than in a hospital or birthing center. Fewer than 1% of American births are in the home, so you may not know anyone who has had this experience.

I’m pleased to introduce Theresa, mother of nine children, six of whom were born at home. She agreed to answer some questions about her home birth experiences. If you’re pregnant and considering a home birth, or even if you’re just curious why someone would choose a home birth, I hope this post will be helpful and informative.

Would you consider a home birth?

• Yes
• No

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