…continued from Our Sleep Journey and Our Sleep Journey, Part 2

Okay, so to recap, eight is enough! Eight months without good sleep, that is… My husband and I had tried the advice of 2 different books and our own strategy too, attempting to train Tate to sleep through the night. Instead of getting better, things were getting worse. I’d read enough and heard enough stories from friends to know that he probably wouldn’t outgrow this, and I really didn’t want to be working on this when he’s in a real bed. At least in the crib, we have a small element of control.

Then my former boss, a father of four, loaned me a copy of Sleeping Through The Night, by Jodi Mindell. By this time, I could skip past the parts explaining sleep cycles (everyone wakes up during the night; babies just don’t know how to get back to sleep like we do), and recommending a consistent nighttime routine (we were already doing that). Chapter 6 held the key for me…I realized that we had just replaced one sleep association (nursing) with another (pacifier and comfort). We still hadn’t allowed Tate to learn how to get himself to sleep! Mindell instructs parents to put the child to bed (after completing the normal bedtime routine) and simply leave. Then you return to the room for a quick “check”- pat on the back, verbal reassurance, but no picking up or cuddling. The checks get further apart (e.g. 5 minutes, 5, 10, 10, 15, etc.) until the child falls asleep. She suggests that on average, it takes 45 minutes of tears on the first night, an hour on the second night (they’re testing to see if you’re serious about this new system), then 20 minutes or less on the third night.

Mindell advises starting at nighttime, but I decided to try it during a nap instead, when I had more energy and resolve. Indeed, it took about 45 minutes for Tate to fall asleep. That night, however, it was less than 10 minutes, and he slept from 8pm to 5:30 am, then I nursed him and he slept until 7. We thought maybe it was a fluke, but he’s been sleeping consistently ever since. He falls asleep after five minutes or so of crying, but sometimes none, occasionally wakes up during the night, but is able to settle himself back to sleep without intervention from mom or dad. It feels like a miracle, after 8 months of struggle, to be getting full nights of rest.

A side bonus: before we went to the cry-it-out method, Tate began to associate the pacifier with being put down to bed and vigorously refused it when offered. This held true at other non sleep-times as well; he just has no interest in it. Now we won’t have to worry about weaning him off of it at some future point- hurray!

My husband and I still go back and forth on how we’ll approach sleep with our next child. I feel like I’ve learned so much that I’d never make the same mistakes again. Yet something tells me that a different child, with a different temperament, will present a whole new set of issues. Not to mention that there will be a big brother with his own sleep schedule to work around.

And honestly, I couldn’t have started off at the point that I’ve ended up. I still hate hearing him cry, but I’ve gotten to the point where a few tears are worth the reward of good sleep, both for him and for his dad and me. While I feel that we’ve given our son a valuable skill in getting himself to sleep, re-reading the no-cry books makes me feel guilty all over again. So I guess I’ll still be losing sleep, as I worry about the sleep I’ve gained…aaargh!

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