- Introduction
- Traditional Guidelines
- Non-traditional Guidelines
- Budgeting Tips

  Etiquette for Wedding Invitations

- Introduction
- The Wedding Style
- Ordering and Sending Invitations
- Envelope Guidelines
- Invitation Assembly
- Helpful Tips

  Wording the Invitation

  Thank You Etiquette

Very often, the time-honored traditional wedding where the young, not yet established couple is married off by her parents still holds true but that certainly does not hold true across the board. What about the older, already established couple or the younger couple who have been living together, or even a second marriage? The family dynamic as well as the bride and groom dynamic are ever-changing and can certainly be deciding factors that affect the “who pays for what” algorithm.

It would be advantageous if the “who pays for what” be determined at the onset of wedding planning in hopes to avoid any assumptions or resentments that may come later. It might also help to not expect that someone must play a role in covering the wedding costs. A contribution on someone’s part is a gift and should be received with gratitude. In this vein, the first recommended items to consider as you endeavor to plan for your wedding are:

• Determine what style of wedding you want: formal, casual or somewhere in between
• Determine who will be paying for the wedding
• Bride's Parents
• The Bride and Groom
• Both sets of parents and the Bride and Groom
• (Fill in the blank)
• Determine your budget
• What is affordable
• What do you really want in your wedding and maybe list as highest to lowest priority

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The following is a traditional view of who pays for what regarding the wedding. This compilation is not a set of rules to be governed by but merely a set of guidelines to assist you in determining who pays for what. Also, remember that whoever is partaking in the costs is generally entitled to an opinion in how it is spent.

• The Bride and Parents of the Bride
  • Save the Date Magnets
  • Wedding consultant
  • Wedding dress and accessories
  • Thank you gifts for attendants
  • Flower basket for flower girl and pillow for ring bearer
  • The groom’s ring and gift
  • Engagement party and/or notices
  • Invitations, Thank You cards and associated stationery (includes mailing)
  • Wedding reception (excluding beverages)
  • Decorations, flowers for reception
  • Wedding cake
  • Photography
  • Transportation of the wedding party
  • Possibly, hotel accommodations for out of town attendants
  • Miscellaneous costs for reception or ceremony
• The Groom and the Groom’s Family
  • Engagement and wedding ring
  • Thank you gifts for attendants
  • Wedding attire and accessories
  • Marriage license
  • Clergy, Officiate
  • Corsages for parents and grandparents
  • Boutonnieres for attendants and fathers
  • Honeymoon (possibly shared by both bride and groom)
  • Possibly, hotel accommodations for out of town attendants
  • Beverages at reception
• Bridesmaids
  • Dresses and accessories
  • Travel expenses
  • Shower
• Groomsmen
  • Tuxedos and accessories
  • Travel expenses
  • Bachelor party

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Non-traditional
What if your wedding and circumstances are not traditional at all? No worries! You will still need to determine who is paying, what is needed, what is wanted and what is affordable. One non-traditional situation may be where an older bride and groom may opt to pay for the entire wedding themselves. Another situation might share the expenses between both families and the bride and groom.

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Budgeting Tips
Whether the wedding is traditional or non-traditional, there are many ways to cut costs and lower the budget overall. Here are just a few of the ways one can budget in some of the more expensive areas of the wedding:

• Limit the number of guests you invite
• Wedding dresses come in all price ranges
• Consider a non-traditional meal at the reception that is less expensive
• Reception: have a limit on how much alcohol you want to provide or not provide it at all
• Enlist family and friends to help in areas i.e. photography, driver
• Create your own decorations for the ceremony and reception
• Decide if you really need all the extras or just limit them

The wedding planning time should be a glorious time - full of anticipation, wonder and excitement. It should not be a burdensome, joyless and unaffordable experience. In order to keep it that way, approach the process with perspective and practicality. Congratulations and enjoy this very special time in your life!

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Congratulations! You are engaged to the most wonderful person in the world and you have begun to plan for one of the most exciting events of your life: the wedding day! Maybe you have already sent out your save the date wedding magnets and you can relax a little knowing that this practical keepsake is allowing your wedding date to remain a visual reminder to your loved ones each day. While your guests are rejoicing with you on your engagement and anticipating the joyous event, you have now begun to contemplate the wedding invitation. Where to begin? With some careful consideration, this seemingly overwhelming task will be yet another joyful experience in planning this auspicious occasion.

The wedding invitation is a multi-purpose tool. It will not only convey the bride and groom's distinctive taste, it also has the lofty purpose of officially communicating the important details of the event itself: when, where, what time, who is invited, who is hosting, the formality…

(If you are not hosting an event where you are expecting guests to come, then you will want to send a wedding announcement. A wedding announcement is sent after the event to make friends and family aware that the event has already taken place.)

The Wedding Style
What is your unique style? The wedding invitation will reflect this distinctive style and set the tone of the wedding itself ~whether it be formal, traditional, contemporary, casual or somewhere in between. If your style is very casual, you have a lot of room to be creative. The computer and local craft store offer many options to create a fabulous memento of your special day. If it is a more formal wedding style that you are leaning toward, then there are some basic rules of etiquette that are generally expected in regards to printed stationery.

Before you purchase those invitations, determine the style that will set the tone of your wedding.

Also, determine what additional types of stationery you will need:

• RSVP cards
• Enclosure cards
• Maps/directions
• Double set envelopes or single envelopes
• Programs
• Place cards
• Table number cards
• Wedding Favors
• Thank You Cards

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When to order the invitations:
Generally 4-6 months. You want to give yourself plenty of time to avoid mistakes and rushing to get them done.

How many invitations to order:
Order more than you need - approximately 25 extra. You will need extra invitations for last minute invites, mistakes and keepsakes. You also want to order even more additional envelopes for mistakes while addressing.

When to send the invitations:

6-8 weeks before the wedding
• Will you have guests coming from out of town and needing accommodations?
• Is your wedding on a holiday?
• Is it a destination wedding?

Who receives an invitation?

One invitation per:
• Parents
• Clergy and spouse
• Family with children under 18
• Couple (married or living together)
• Generally, each child 18 or older (still living at home)
• Single guest
• Significant other of aforementioned single guest
• Each attendant

Wording the invitation:
There is much to consider before composing the invitation. The wording will depend on many factors such as: who is hosting the wedding (parents, bride and groom, divorced parents…), the style, where the event is being held (church, home, garden…)The wording is also dependent on the variety of family types keeping in mind that traditional is not necessarily traditional anymore; there is often a unique situation that needs further consideration. With all of this in mind, it is accepted that a less formal wedding will allow for more creativity and less formality while a more formal wedding will want to adhere to some basic etiquette guidelines.
Click here to view our "Wording the Invitation" article.

Basic guidelines of etiquette:

• All verbiage is in the third person
• Be consistent with spelling: honour/favour or honor/favor
• Dr. and military titles need to be spelled out: i.e. Doctor Dave Johnson
• Use Roman numerals in names instead of second or 2nd
• Punctuation is used to separate city, state or day, date or Mr. Mrs.
• All days, dates and times are typically spelled out: Saturday, the twenty-third of July, Two thousand and seven at two o’clock
• Avoid abbreviations: spell out street, boulevard, avenue...

About inviting children:
If children are not invited, you have two options. Either let word of mouth make your wishes known or state on the invitation or RSVP card that it is an adults-only reception. Also, keep in mind that the envelope will also expressly state who is invited to the event. Back to Top

Using double envelope set or a single envelope:
Brief History:  Back in the days when wedding invitations were hand-delivered, the outer envelope was used to shield and keep clean the inner envelope. Nowadays, two envelopes are not necessary and to use both is just a preference of one over the other.

Double envelopes set:

Outer envelope:
• not foil-lined
• printed return address on back flap (exclude name)

Addressing outer envelope:
• HANDWRITTEN (except for the return address)
• It is customary to use complete formal name and address of invited guests on outer envelope
• Avoid abbreviations except on Mr., Mrs. or Ms.
• Zip codes should be on the same line as city, state

Inner envelope: contains invitation and any extra stationery. Placed inside outer envelope with printing facing back flap of outer envelope
• unsealed

Addressing the inner envelope:
• No addresses
• Use just the last names along with any appropriate titles i.e. Captain and Mrs. Johnson
• Invited children using their first names appear under the names of the parents
• Single person and guest (i.e. Mr. Johnson and guest)

Single envelope only
(same rules apply as in outer envelope of a double set)

Tissue/Vellum:
Placed on top of the invitation.

Enclosure Card:
A reception card is used when the reception is held at a different location or if you have different guest lists.

RSVP card:

Response cards make it more than easy for your guest to respond to your invitation. All they need to do is fill in how many guests will be attending (or not) and return it back to you.
• Front is pre-printed with name and address of receiver
• Remember to remain consistent with either the British or the American spelling favour/favor
RSVP (répondez s’il vous plaît) is a French phrase meaning “please reply” and it is considered appropriate to contact an invited guest who has not yet responded within the allotted time frame.

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Assembling your invitations:

• The back of the envelope is facing you.
• The back side of the carrier card goes in first (printed side facing you)

Basic order of placement:

1. carrier card
2. invitation
3. vellum
4. RSVP card

If using either double set envelopes or single:
Insert inner envelope with the print facing the back of outer envelope. When your guest opens their outer envelope (or single), they will see print first.

Tips:

• Make sure your wedding date corresponds with the calendar!
• Order extra stationery (and even more envelopes) in case of mistakes, last minute invites and keepsakes
• Request the post office hand-cancel your invitations to avoid damage from postal machines
• Take completely assembled invitation to the post office so you are aware of postage cost
• Don’t forget the additional postage required for RSVP cards
• Spellings: whatever you choose - be consistent (don’t forget the RSVP cards)
• Purchase complimentary looking stamps that will look nice with your invitations
• Do not mention gifts or where you are registered for gifts on the invitations
• Enlist the help of good friends and family to help hand-address the invitations
• Enjoy!

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The wording of the invitation and other forms of stationery should correspond with the style of the wedding. It certainly can get complicated with the different family types and if your family situation is unique and does not fit the traditional mold, you will just need to give your wording some additional consideration. Below you will find some standard formats for traditional and non-traditional invitations. They are only examples in which to build and create your own invitation that compliments your distinctive style.

Parents of the Bride are hosting:	Separate Reception and Reply Cards
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Allen Johnson	Reception
request the honour of your presence	Immediately following the ceremony
at the marriage of their daughter	Golden Hills Country Club
Robin Estelle Johnson	5521 Bunker Lake Road
to	Brighton, New York
John Michael Smith
on Saturday, the seventh of July
Two thousand seven	The favour of a reply is requested
at 12 noon	before the sixteenth of June
Grace Fellowship Church	M______________________
Rochester, New York	Will ______ attend

Both sets of Parents are hosting:	Separate Reception and Reply Cards
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Johnson	Reception
and	Immediately following the ceremony
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith	Golden Hills Country Club
request the honor of your presence	5521 Bunker Lake Road
at the marriage of their children	Brighton, New York
Robin Johnson
to
John Smith	The favor of a reply is requested
on Saturday, the seventh of July	before the sixteenth of June
Two thousand seven
at half past six	M______________________
Grace Fellowship Church	Will ______ attend
Rochester, New York

Bride and Groom are hosting:	Separate Reception and Reply Cards
Robin Estelle Johnson	Reception Dinner
and	at six o’clock
John Michael Smith	Golden Hills Country Club
request the honor of your presence	5521 Bunker Lake Road
on Saturday, the seventh of July	Brighton, New York
Two thousand seven
at four o’clock
Grace Fellowship Church	The favor of a reply is requested
Rochester, New York	before the sixteenth of June
	M______________________
	Will ______ attend

Divorced Parents of Bride are hosting:	Divorced and Stepparent are hosting:
Mrs. Patricia Ann Johnson	Mr. and Mrs. James Korman
and	request the honor of your presence
Mr. Robert Neil Johnson	at the marriage
request the honor of your presence	of Mrs. Korman’s daughter
at the marriage of their daughter	Anna Johnson
on Saturday, the seventh of July	to
Two thousand seven	Paul Benson
at half past six	on Saturday, the seventh of July
Grace Fellowship Church	Two thousand seven
Rochester, New York	at half past six
	Golden Hills Country Club
	Brighton, New York

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There are many ways to honor a deceased loved one and may include: lighting a candle in their memory, a mention in the program, offering up a prayer, honoring the person in a toast or tribute, leaving an empty chair, flowers, a song, etc.

If it is very important to you to include the name of a deceased loved one on the invitation, three sample wordings are found below.

Deceased Mother, Bride's Father Hosts	Deceased Father, Bride's Mother Hosts
Mr. John Holmes	Margaret Holmes
husband of the late Margaret Holmes	in loving memory of the late John Holmes
requests the honor of your presence	requests the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter	at the marriage of their daughter
Anna Michelle Holmes	Anna Michelle Holmes
to	to
Lance Michael Jamison	Lance Michael Jamison
Friday, the seventeenth of July	Friday, the seventeenth of July
two thousand and nine	two thousand and nine
at six o'clock	at six o'clock
Northbrook Church	Northbrook Church
Jackson, South Dakota	Jackson, South Dakota

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Dear Bride & Groom,
In this day and age, where most communication is either emailed, instant messaged or voice mailed, a handwritten note takes on a whole new meaning that communicates IMMEDIATELY to the recipient:

The handwritten note is a rarity and has the potential to be kept as a memento of something special. Consider a gift that just may be a true sacrifice on the part of the giver and in that event, the “Thank You” becomes a precious keepsake.

So, take your time and write out your “Thank You” with sincerity, genuineness and gratitude. Do not think of the undertaking as a chore but rather as a privilege to acknowledge your guest and their gift.

Guidelines:

• About the Thank You:
• Handwritten
• Personal
• Consider stationery to match your “Save the Date” or wedding invitations, personalized with your married name, monogram, or personal photo
• No mistakes or misspells
• Order plenty of extras in lieu of mistakes (you can always use them afterwards)
• Who should write the “Thank You”?
• The Bride and Groom together (no, not on the same note).  Both of you share in the gift and both of you should partake in writing the notes.
• Groom: Take your time and write only to family members and friends if you think your handwriting is bad.
• To whom should the “Thank You” go?
• Everyone who sent a gift
• Everyone who gave a service to you: i.e. Hostesses, Reception Coordinator, Participants i.e. Reader…
• SPECIAL “THANK YOU” to i.e.: Clergy, Officiate, Parents, Maid of Honor, Best Man…
• Any professionals who exceeded your expectations
• When should the Thank You be sent?
• As soon as possible
Generally,
If the gift was given before the wedding: within 2 weeks
If the gift was given at the wedding: within 1 month after the honeymoon
• Contents of the “Thank You”:
With Sincerity:
1. Mention the gift.
2. Gratitude. If you like it, state that. If you do not like it, find something you appreciate about it (it is still a gift on their part).
3. State how you plan to use the gift.
4. Acknowledge any special effort presented by the giver: i.e. traveling a great distance
5. Enclose with term of affection if possible or at least a “Kind Regards”
• If the gift came damaged: do not mention that to the giver but take care of the problem with the store yourself.
• If gift is cash or check: do not mention the amount but describe it i.e.: “generous” “kind” “charitable”

Sample:
Dear Aunt Judy,

It was wonderful that you could come to our wedding all the way from Florida. It was great to see you and we were honored that you came. The coffeemaker that you gave us is just perfect and we will think of you as we drink our morning cup each day. Thank you for your very thoughtful and generous gift.

Love,
Rick and Ellen

Tips:

• Use your guest list with addresses intact and have it with you at “gift opening” so you can jot down the gift next to the giver
• Keep meticulous record of WHO gave WHAT
• Find a comfortable place to write
• Use a high quality pen
• Make a plan of how many notes you want written each day and then stick to it (i.e. 10 each weekday and 20 on the weekend)

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